Today is a hard day, and not a happy one for me, though it follows many good days. Today is heavy on my shoulders and there is no comfort for it but the knowledge that this will pass, as all things do, and only the memory of the good will remain.
I am reminded of a quote, which now I hear in my head in the words of William Adama, though it is an Emily Dickenson poem originally - it was used in an episode of
Battlestar that I have quoted from before.
"There is a Languor of the Life
More imminent than Pain -
This, perhaps best, expresses how I feel right now, life something sits upon me, a weight of loss, not horrific or huge, but felt nonetheless in the keenest of ways. Someone, presumably much wiser than I, once wrote that "parting is such sweet sorrow" but that person was a fucking idiot*. Parting has no sweetness, only the sweep of time, and the dull hope that the parting will not last.
*Actually, this line is spoken by Juliet (and thus written by Shakespeare) and is generally used out of context, as I have done here - it represents a sweet sorrow for those who know they will be soon reunited (this itself being ironic in the context of Romeo and Juliet) and as such is not quite as inaccurate as I make it seem.
Anyway, let's leave that aside for a few minutes and see how I got here, because really, I've been having such an amazing time, and this is a feeling that will not last, though that doesn't invalidate the feeling.
Having managed to get to Brisbane, despite the infernal interference of the weather Gods (thanks Odin, you're a star) I somehow ended up joining some old friends from Chaing Mai on a roadtrip down the coast. This is something I really wanted to do, if I wasn't travelling on my own. To get a car and just drive, stopping off wherever, sleeping in a tent and by the grace of good friends I got the opportunity, which I really didn't think I would. It's just a pity I bought a fucking 300 dollar Greyhound pass to get to Sydney, which now I'll not be using.
I met up with Josefin and Anne at about eleven in the morning. Do you remember them from previous posts? If not, see Chiang Mai, Pai, Siem Reap and Koh Phangan . . . Their friend Hanna and her friend Eric (both also German) had joined them in the last week or so and were now travelling with them.
This is their car. It's not a bad car, and it's not a nice car. It's nicer than the Ford I had, for instance, but it's no Nissan Almera (or mam's Saab). Like nearly all Australian cars it's an automatic, which makes driving really easy - this makes a huge difference when you're behind the wheel for three hours. And after the three hours someone else is taking over from you.
Finding these guys was actually a bit harder than you'd think. They told me to meet them at St. John's Church on Ann St in Brisbane. I found Ann St pretty easily, but there are FIVE churches on the very long stretch of Ann St. It was also emphatically
not the one I was nearest too, because that would have been far too easy.
This, by the by, is everyone. The picture was taken a few days later, but still, it's not like they were different people a few days before. On the left in the front is Hanna, behind her is Anne, across from her then is Eric, and in the right at the front is Josefin. We are all eating dinner. You can see a bit of my bowl at the bottom left if you care too. I really cannot remember what we were eating. But you don't care, so really, that worked out well, didn't it?
I did get there and a little early, but then I left an hour early and was only there about ten minutes before I was supposed to be, but by eleven we were on the road and heading south down the coast. Their general plan was to outdrive the rain, which basically entailed getting the far side of Sydney and making for Melbourne, so I was basically going with them as close to Sydney as they got.
That first day Josefin drove the first leg and I drove the second and we all started to catch up, and insult and abuse each other, because that's what real friends do. Seriously. We drove as far as Byron Bay that day, finding a half-decent camp site about ten minutes outside of Byron. They had spent the previous night sleeping in the car, all four of them, so really, the first thing they wanted to do when we finally parked up was get into the shower and get into some clean clothes. That said, what actually happened was, we got the tents up, we went to the pool and we went for a swim, and THEN we had showers . . . I had one too, even though I'd had one that morning. It just seemed like the thing to do.
After some rest and some dinner we decided to head into town and see some of Byron Bay. I didn't really take too many pictures of Byron, but it's a nice town. Very arty, to the point that borders on the pretensious, but not quite. I'd say it's a nice place to be, but I'd say the effort of being cool and aloof probably gets to you after awhile! The bay itself is beautiful and it's such a pity that it wasn't a nice day, but these will give you a sense of the place I hope.
We got some drinks and some crisps and chocolate in the supermarket and after it was well dark we headed back to the campsite. Everyone, bar me, was extremely exhausted so it was very early to bed that night, but once we we ensconced within our tents, me an Eric in one and the girls in the other, we discovered a problem; there were holes in mine and Eric's tent. Four of them. It would have been fine in decent weather, but the gloomy grey clouds had filled up to bursting and were now pouring down with a vengeance on us. We we in the tent maybe forty-five minutes before the water started to come through, but five minutes later we were aware that our staying in the tent would be literally impossible if the rain didn't stop, which seemed unlikely (spoiler: it didn't) so we decided to exacuate immediately to the car.
It wasn't so bad. As Eric pointed out, the previous night, four people had slept in the same car. Now there was two. We slept in the front seats, winding them back, and too be totally honest, it wasn't that unpleasant in the end. I didn't have the best sleep of my life, but I didn't have the worst either. As I've said, the whole masters thing has given me great tolerance for sleepless nights anyway, so despite only catching a few hours sleep that night, I was still in pretty good shape the next morning when Josefin started knocking on the window.
So we got up, had some coffee and got back on the road. It was raining so there was nothing to stick around for. Eric took the first shift that day, while I took the second. I basically slept through the part of the day too, so I have little or no idea what to tell you. I'm pretty sure nothing interesting happened anyway.
We stopped in a McDonald's in Coff's Harbour (or maybe that was the next day and we stopped in a different town, still in McDonald's) to charge our stuff a little bit and use the free wifi, while we ate as slowly as humanly possible. I reckon they probably see that sorta thing a lot. Eventually though we had to get back into the car and keep on trucking.
Eventually we pulled off the main highway, heading for somewhere around South West Rocks. I'm pretty sure, but not hundred percent, we found a campsite in the
Hat Head National Park but it could have been a different place. It was certainly near there anyway. The place we stayed the night before was rustic, but nothing compared to this place. This was pure Glen Maluire, Jonathan would probably have pitched the other kind of tent here. It was awesome. There were a few other campers around, though we didn't talk to a whole lot of them.
We threw up the tents and then walked down onto the beach, about five minutes away. The weather was a bit better here, but not a whole lot, but we really couldn't keep driving that night. It was already getting quite late.
On the beach, we were cheered up immensely though, a) by being on a beach, and b) by being not in a car! We also found this dead, mostly eaten fish, which I assume washed in with the tide and then was picked clean by bugs and birds. It was pretty huge.
I also got some really nice pictures. Here are two of my favourites. I like the first one because of the bird in the middle of it, and the other just coz it looks awesome.
It reminds me of this quote (is there anything at all that doesn't remind me of some quote, you ask? Not really, I reply) from Crisis Core, which most of you won't have heard of, spoken by the lead "villain"
Genesis -
"To become the dew that quenches the land
To spare the sands, the seas, the skies
I offer thee this silent sacrifice"
It's a gorgeous few lines, and in the context of Crisis Core is tied up with a hugely emotional set of events, but still, when I look at something like this (not the picture so much as the scene I took the picture of), in the company of friends, you can't help but feel that you understand the notion of being willing to sacrifice for something.
After a walk on the beach, we headed back and unpacked the car, getting ready to set up for dinner. While getting the gas cooker ready, the girls unfortunately discovered that the bottle of gas they had been given at the petrol station in Brisbane didn't match the lead for the cooker . . .
So we had to make a fire. Thankfully, there were lots of little cooking spots around the camping grounds. They were little more that steel grilles built into the ground but it was enough for what we needed. The only problem was the rain and the wet, which made everything damp and we didn't have anything particularly flammable to get the fire going with. One of the other campers gave us a hand, lending us a newspaper and some dry twigs and brush that he'd already managed to scrounge up (he was there a week) so we were very lucky. Once the fire got going it was burning hot and eating through wood in no time, so once the flames died down, we had ourselves something to cook on, yay for food!
At one point, we saw something emerge from a nearby tree, drop to the ground, run over to some unattended apples at another guys campsite, nick one, and then run like hell back up the tree. Using our torch we found one of these little
fuckers up in the tree, munching happily on some guy's apple! Way more creepy than the time that sheep wandered into our camp!
After dinner the girls were a bit put off by being still quite tired, wet and the constant irritation of mosquitoes and other insects, so they headed to bed. Me and Eric played a few rounds of Shithead (which is a card game), just to pass the time, and then did the same thing. There was some rain, but we had put the tent up under a tree, so very little water actually got on us and we were able to last the whole night in the tent this time.
The next morning it was still a bit drizzly so packing up with more trouble and the tents had to go away we for awhile, but we could have waited all day for a chance to dry them and not got it, so you do what you gotta do. We headed out for the main road and as we were driving, we came across an Aldi store near Kempsey (I think, this could have happened the day before but I really don't think it did, a lot of time in the car will blur your sense of happenings). We stopped and went in to get some stuff. Josefin was telling me how being in the shop made her feel homesick, which at first I found kinda funny, but then I realised if I was to walk into a Supervalu or Superquinn and see all the stuff from home, and everything exactly like it would be back home, I'd totally feel the same way so I felt a little bad for her. Sometimes the little things get to you more than the big things, little things that really remind you of home. Course, sometimes it's the big things too.
Actually, while we're on the subject of Germans, and Aldi, I'll talk a little about what it's like to travel with four people who speak a different first language to you. Now, you might be thinking, Shane speaks a little German, and yeah, I speak a little German. Anyone remember that rather famous example of me trying to order a burger in German? "Kann ich habe ein cheeseburger with just cheese on it please?" Now, I was pissed drunk at the time, but there ya go. Actually, I could follow some conersations, especially if I knew what the topic of convsation was, but rapid fire German was just a bit above my head. Sometimes they conduct private conversations in German, you know, because they speak German, which is understandable, so often two or three of them might be chatting, and I'd wander over and have no idea why they were pissing themselves laughing at some joke or another. Sometimes serious conversations would happen in German, and someone would end up translating for me. I never took this as excluding me or anything by the way, it just makes sense, they are German, and it's not like they wouldn't talk to me in English or include me in convserations, but every now and then someone might forget and start talking in German and I'm not gonna just stop them and say, "sorry, I know what you're saying really has nothing to do with me at all, but would you mind repeating that in English please?" Actually, we had a running joke where I would pretend that what they were saying was, "Shane is so awesome, isn't he?" And then they would guiltily admit that yes, that was exactly what they were saying.
The other thing is that sometimes, they would argue, in German, and I wouldn't have a clue. Not that they were always fighting or anything and I'm not trying to say anything. A bit of sniping just happens if you're aware with people. Think, me and Steph, who I love, and how much I sometimes have wanted to kill her after too many days at close quarters. Unfortunately, if people are rowing in German, I sometimes have no idea and totally miss it, and rather undiplomatically end up putting my foot in it.
The last thing about is that when you remember that they speak German as a first language, is that English is their second language. And they speak it more or less fluently, maybe better than some people I know. Like, they don't know slang, use some weird turns of phrase (which is probably "proper" English) and sometimes have to search for a word or ask each other, or me, the best word for something. Often, I'd just be like, "I'd just say what you said, but you could use this instead" where there might be a word is fancier (or more condensed) like using "erratic" instead of "all over the place". As in, I would probably be unlikely to say erratic in this context, "Ah, jaysus he was so pissed drunk he was stumbling all over the place." They might not know the word erratic, or some other words, but they can always explain what they want or need me to do, or just hold a conversation. I, on the otherhand, cannot even ask for a fucking cheeseburger in German! Or in Irish. There's something very wrong with the way we learn languages, it's a lot more about beating a standardised test than it is about learning a language.
So anyway, while we were at Aldi (yes, remember that?) we took out the tents and let them dry because it wasn't raining there and after a quick breakfast we headed off with Eric driving us again. We stopped at about three in a place called Newcastle so the girls could go to the bank and sort out some stuff. We figured that they would be about fifteen minutes bout them were more like and hour and a bit, so while they were gone I eventually walked up to the trainstation to see if anyone could tell me if there was a camping place around.
There was one about twenty minutes away, back the way we'd come and then off the road in a different random town called Stockton. It was the biggest campsite we'd stayed on and had lots of space and facilities, including a huge kitchen, shower rooms and toilets and a laundry room, and we could charge our phones, cameras and laptops in the kitchen too. There was a large sorta dining/common area too where we could sit, eat or just do whatever. It was also right on the beach. We had plenty of space and best of all the weather was good.
This here on the left is my tent by the way. It's funny what you'll begin to call home after you're away for long enough.
We got the tents set up pretty smartly and then washed ourselves in the totally awesome showers! Think about that shower you have when you get back from camping for a few days? It was about ten times nicer than that!
Later that night the girls decided they wanted chocolate chip cookies and headed off in the car to find a Coles. To be honest, before they left, I did tell them it was probably gonna be closed because we were out in the sticks a little and there'd be no reason to open late. They went anyway. An hour later, they hadn't gotten back.
When they did eventually get back we found out that I was right (though I kept my mouth shut about it, for once) but that they had found a petrol station with some cookies - which were clearly the world's best cookies ever. Clearly.
A few of us walked out into the town with cookies and some cokes and sat by the waterfront, watching the ferry crossing over and back from Newcastle. Newcastle and Stockton are very near each other, except for a huge expanse of water, but it wasn't much of a drive around the water so no worries.
And I took some pictures. Clearly. I won't bore you with the details of the conversation, but it was nice to just sit around chatting that night. It had been awhile since the enviroment had been so hospitable and we'd been so awake this late at night.
Eventually we wandered back and hit the hay. They next morning we decided we weren't going anywhere and were staying another day, which was awesome. No one wanted to get back in that car, and we'd found a really nice place so it just made sense to chill out for a day, read our books and just not be in the car.
I went for a swim in the sea that morning, then took a shower and then just sat around reading for ages, listening to loud music and feeling pretty good about stuff. We had something vaguely resembling lunch and then decided to drive back to Newcastle. We had seen this spire thing from across the river, figured it was a church and wanted to see if we were right! We were, though it took us awhile to find the damn thing!
First we found some old military fort that you can assume the English used. I took some pictures but none particularly noteworthy. Eventually we found the church and it was kinda nice but I mean, it's got nothing on any European churches. Just not to the same scale. The red brick was a nice touch though.
Afterwards we stopped by 7/11 for some one dollar coffees, the butcher for some rashers, and then the "bottle shop" or Off-o to you guys for some cider and headed back to the camp. We had some more lazy sitting around for awhile. Actually, the sitting was so lazy that it took Josefin, Anne and Hanna forty-five minutes to even get out of the fucking car. I'm serious. They were in there for ages. Every now and then a leg would slide a little further out of the car and then stop. The conversation was in German, so once again I assume it was about me . . . Why else would they need to talk in German, I ask you!?! :-p
So anyway, eventually we had dinner and played several games of Shithead, while trying to teach it to some Aussie guy who got curious. After watching a round or two he gave up and said, "I'm way to drunk for this shit!" but he'd already learned how to say shithead in German so he was happy.
About eleven they closed up the kitchen/common area so we had to vacate and head back to our tents. It was a really nice way to spend the last night though.
They next morning (ie, this morning) we again packed up our tents, which aren't really my tents anymore, so I should say packed up their tents, had some toast and coffee and got back in the car after much slagging and abuse giving. We even took one last picture.
Then we got back on the road. And got a little bit lost. But eventually got back on the right road and we off in a Sydney direction. The plan was to not actually head into Sydney, but to drop me off in Hornsby at the trainstation. It's far enough outside Sydney that they wouldn't get bogged down for hours dropping me off, but close enough that it's only a few dollars to get the train into town.
Of course, at the time I'm pretty sure I made some stupid jokes about the goodbyes and while they were nice, I don't think I let on to either them or myself what an event this really was. Obviously I only just met Hanna and Eric, but Josefin and Anne are actually the two most familiar faces I know right now. They're the people I've seen the most in the last six months and I've grown quite attached to them. And in other ways, they also stand in for all the others who I just didn't get to have that kinda goodbye with, people who I thought I'd see again and just didn't manage too. This was the first goodbye that I can see stretching out before me. This is the hard goodbye. Even if we stay in touch and even if we see each other again, it will be another six months, or eight or a year, and that goes not just for them, but for all those others too, who I've missed, or just don't have time to catch up with. I'm into my last week, and the goodbyes are finally starting to get serious. Endings are beginning, and suddenly, I find that I am attached to these people, that these lives have meaning for me and that I will miss them.
Though, I suppose there is this. Sarah Lonsdale reminded me of something I wrote in here a few weeks ago the other day, and said it was her favourite quote (which is an honour - although one I chose, yet again, to duck aside by turning it into a joke). I wrote, "Do what you can, do what you will, don’t expect it to be easy, but hope that it will be worthwhile" and today I am faced with some stark realities of that essential truth. Today is not easy, but yet, in the end that means that this has been in some sense worthwhile, doesn't it? If I can feel this twisted up, does that in itself not mean that there was something worthwhile in what I have felt? I suppose I have to hope it does.
But, there is no sweetness in these partings, only the languor of sorrows.
Shane.
After I got the bag we went to Darling Harbour which was pretty cool. The thing I really liked though was this random water feature in the middle of some plaza there. I dunno why I liked it, I just did. Then after that we walked all the way to Sydney Harbour Bridge (which wasn't that far) but it was getting hotter and hotter all the time. When we left, we brought hoodies, but by the time we reached the bridge it was boiling hot. We went to the bridge to climb this tower by the way, and from this tower take many pictures. 
This is probably my favourite one, even though I still thi nk the opera house looks really small in real life. The nice thing is though, in pictures it looks exactly like it should! After climbing up and down the tower we headed off the Circular Quay to catch a ferry out to Manly Beach, which is about half an hour away and also offers some really great view as your going along. It was damn hot at this stage though and we were sweating buckets. 
One of the pictures I took (of many) was a nice of the bridge and if you look to either side you can see one of the towers we climbed. Also, this is why we look like we were on a boat. We were getting a boat. Some time later, the boat arrived in Manly and we went to Coles and made crisp sandwiches and ate them on the beach while watching surfers get smashed by the waves. not a bad way to spend an hour. After that we went to visit Aoife's friend and chilled in her house for a bit before jumping back on the ferry and heading for her neighbours were a few people (clearly all Irish) were having a barbecue and some drinks. It was actually nice to get back to that bit of banter and slagging, because hanging out with the Germans last week (who I do dearly love) you sometimes have to be careful what you say (not that I really was) because sometimes the sarcasm and the joking just doesn't make sense to them. It was good to get some practice in before heading home. Because I'm pretty sure my few months away won't entitle me to some sort of free-pass. If anything, ye've got joking to make up for!
